AAI
Having the
opportunity to participate in a modified version of the AAI, has given me new
perspective to how my early experiences with my mother and father have shaped
my current attachment style and personality. During the class session, we were
required to give four describing words of both our mother and father. Although
at the start of the process, I thought that describing my early childhood would
be easy to recall, I found that I had difficulty in certain areas relating
exact memories to the details in which I was describing one parent or the other.
When
reflecting on my early childhood, I had no problem describing my father and
recalling memories to back up and support my description of our relationship.
In fact, not only was I able to recall single handed memories, but I found
myself trying to choose between several memories to most appropriately describe
the adjective. For each adjective that I described him in, there were many
incidents that I could recall to support who he was and the impact that he had
on my childhood. However, when
describing my mother, I found myself taking more time to find adjectives to
describe her, while having a more difficult time finding exact memories without
repeating those which I had already given.
When the
time came to look over the different attachment styles, I began to question why
I had trouble recalling aspects of my mother that shaped the very foundation of
my life. This question however, was quickly answered by my realization that my
relationship with my mother was drastically impacted when she left my family at
the age of sixteen. Although the AAI deals with one’s relationships with one’s
parents at an early age, I couldn’t help but to get caught up on the divorce
and the impact it had on me. Yes, there were adjectives that I gave about my
mother showing how caring, loving and nurturing she was. She was always the
first one to be by my side and care for me when I needed her. Yet, other
moments, had faded and I found myself trying to search and uncover past events
that may have happened.
I believe
that the divorce not only changed my relationship with my mother, but had an
impact on my ability to recall parts of my childhood and my current attachment
style in adulthood. The lack of trust, the abandonment and the loss of my
mother changed the idea of the “mother” that I had from birth. Realizing that
this event shaped my life and even my attachment style in such a drastic way,
has led me to pursue a deeper understanding of why events later in one’s
childhood can drastically shape the memories and attachment style in adulthood.
I am currently researching and trying to understand how events such as divorce
can impact the life of a child and have lasting effects on one’s attachment style
and personality.
I feel such empathy for you because my experience with my own mother was similar. While my mom was predominantly absent, at best, in my early childhood, when I was at the age of 16 she just left my life completely and moved across the country. I found that one significant event definitely distorts any positive memories I may have had of her in my childhood. I feel that adolescence is such a significant time in life and events that occurred during that time period still burn brightly in my memory. I am curious to know if there is any attachment-style research that extends the memory recall to maybe age 16, rather than cutting it off at age 12? I wonder if that would change the results of an attachment style interview?
ReplyDeleteI too had great difficulty unearthing memories from the past when we were asked to participate in the Hallmark exercise. I have always held the conviction that I was raised in a way that honors the Lord. Yet, growing up in a Christian household packed full of 7 other siblings, I would admit that I occasionally felt overlooked and disregarded. I was far more reserved than all of my other outspoken brothers and sisters, and preferred to hide in the shadow of their opinions and passions. It seemed that whenever I did attract the attention of my Mother, it was because I had been unkind to one of my younger sisters. Unfortunately, most of the memories of my childhood do involve instances during which my mother punished me for misbehavior. Thus, although I still very much believe that my parents did their best to shape me into a godly, young woman, a part of me wonders why my perception of the past includes so many episodes of confrontation and criticism. I would never go so far as to discount the importance of discipline, and yet, I believe my parents would have done well to ensure that I felt safe to make mistakes in their presence.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading over your thoughts, I realized that I too had some more reflecting to do in regards to my past. That being said, I wanted you to know that I was so appreciative of you for sharing some of your story on this blog. The aftermath of divorce can be so difficult for adolescents to reorient themselves around. However, I admire you for having the courage to reflect more deeply on the influence that the experience had on you. I think that such self-reflection has the potential to promote growth in you, and in your concept of relationships in general.
I can understand your struggles on relationship with your mum,i also went through the same struggles that i have difficult time to describe mum using five adjectives.But i believe this is a process to know your mum's life,have more understanding on her past.
ReplyDeleteTravis & Christina, I found it interesting how similar your stories were in some ways and how you both had a similar experience during the AAI. It seems to really pick up on how experiences with early attachment figure impact one's state of mind with respect to attachment.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, only memories up to age 12 are considered with the AAI because those memories are used to indicate the inferred early experiences of individuals.
Later, information is included in the interview there is a question with respect to how relationship with parents changed over time and what it is like now.
Mary Main also indicates that with some attachment styles there is an "evaluatory shift" where an individual will change the whole evaluation of childhood at midpoint in the interview.
I recommend the text "Clinical Implications of the AAI" for more information on using the AAI as a counselor.
Blessings,
Dr. K