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It was an interesting experiment to participate in a portion of the
Adult Attachment Interview (AAI) process during the Human Growth and
Development class. I knew that pursuing
a graduate degree in the counseling field would inevitably lead to a bit of
random personal psychoanalysis; however, I wasn’t fully expecting the emotion
that would come from participating in this particular assignment.
Working with my partner, I eagerly volunteered to be the interviewer
first so that I could have some time to process this assignment in my head a
bit before it was my turn to be interviewed.
While the interview portion regarding my father went fairly smoothly and
with little emotion, I found that emotions of sadness, disappointment, and hurt
began welling up during the interview portion concerning my mother. In general, my childhood was riddled with
inconsistencies, a primarily absent mother, divorce effects, and constant
transition in regards to primary caregivers.
While I could easily express a few, primarily negative, adjectives
surrounding the acquaintance-type relationship between my mother and myself, I
truly struggled to come up with any substantial memories, whether they be good
or bad, in regards to my relationship with her.
This exercise piqued my curiosity and has encouraged me to research
adult attachment styles on my own to further understand the concepts. In my adulthood, I feel that I have reached a
level of forgiveness regarding my relationship with my mother and would, in
general, like to believe that I have a secure attachment style. However, I’d be interested in analyzing this
on a deeper level to see if there are any indications that my attachment style
might need to be refined.
I read some very interesting research by Doron, Moulding, Kyrios,
Nedeljkovic and Mikulincer (2009) regarding obsessive-compulsiveness in
relation to adult attachment insecurities.
In my personal life, while I wouldn't classify myself as having obsessive-compulsive
disorder (OCD), I certainly would agree that I have OCD tendencies. In particular, I find that I express these
tendencies when it feels as if life is chaotic or I’m feeling particularly
stressed or upset. In a way, I feel that
having things clean or perfect is my way of controlling a situation. The research indicates that the attachment
system of an adult affects how he or she develops close relationships, copes
with and deregulates stress, and creates strategies for eliminating stressors. Their research proposes that insecure
attachment orientations, either anxious or avoidant, increase the likelihood of
OCD symptoms (Doron, et.al., 2009)
Clearly the AAI is research-based and has been founded to be a powerful
and accurate measure of adult attachment style. However, there were some questions
that came to mind that I felt might skew results or be important additions to
the attachment interview process. The
following are questions that I have concerning factors that may influence the
interview:
- Does level of hunger, temperature of room, current hormonal state, or current health influence level of recall or general mood of memories cited?
- Why wouldn't memories after age twelve be just as relevant as those experienced in childhood? Particularly considering memories before age five for anyone are sometimes arbitrary and generally not well recollected.
- Does current relationship status with the father or mother influence memory recall?
- Would a singular hurtful event in a relationship overrule positive memories?
- Do social pressures to present a positive image of a parent influence what is said in an interview?
Despite the emotional response, I am glad to have done the
assignment. It opened my eyes to the
relationship I have with my own children and confirmed the importance of a
secure and loving relationship with them, particularly in their formative
years. I am interested in furthering personal research regarding adult attachment
styles and more deeply understanding how it impacts me personally.
Source
Doron, G., Moulding, R., Kyrios, M., Nedeljkovic, M., & Mikulincer,
M. (2009). Adult attachment insecurities are related to obsessive compulsive phenomena.
Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology,
28(8), 1022-1049. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/224854843?accountid=12085
I just needed to take a moment, and let you know that I am consistently inspired by the contributions that you have made to this class. You are such an insightful and eloquent learner, and I have truly benefitted from all that you have been willing to share with the rest of us throughout this process. In regards to this particular blog post, I wanted you to know that I am so moved by the vulnerability of your story. It seems that your relationship with your mother inflicted a number of wounds upon your heart, and I admire you for being brave enough to take a closer look at the scarring that may remain. It can be difficult to bring into focus the pain of the past, especially when we are fearful of casting blame or forming a grudge. However, I believe it is important to realize just how deeply we have been hurt before we are free to completely let that hurt go.
ReplyDeleteYou mentioned in your post that you are now functioning from a place of forgiveness in regards to your relationship with your mother. Because I am fascinated by the therapeutic benefits that can result through the act of forgiveness alone, I am currently striving to understand why forgiveness plays such a pertinent role in our overall emotional and physical well being. While researching this topic, I came across a book entitled, "The Quick-Reference Guide to Counseling Women, Baker Books 2011)." In this resource, Timothy Clinton and Diane Langberg assert that "forgiveness is experiencing empathy for the offender, humility about your own sinfulness, and gratitude for being forgiven by God and others." Furthermore, both authors confirm that, "forgiveness is critical to building healthy relationships." Even so, "forgiveness does not require you to become a 'doormat,' not does it require you to allow the offender to hurt you again."
In light of such information, I pray that you will continue to allow the Lord to walk you through the center of the loss, and then emerge again with a new wholeness.
Christina,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story and responses to the AAI class demonstration. Often times in informed consent we indicate that sometimes in experiential counseling activities things may "get worse" before we get better, that is we may realize the stress and pain that we have blocked when we begin discussing it. It can be disconcerting when we do not have clear memories or detailed memories of childhood. From what I have seen in the AAI literature, namely the handbook written by Mary Main and colleagues some of the items that can lead to memory loss include:
traumatic experiences, abuse, desire to remember the positive (as in avoidant attachment style).
Many of the other items you cited may likely contribute, however, they do discuss the discriminate validity of the instrument and the fact that the AAI does not measure the ability to remember, but rather the state of mind with respect to attachment.
Now, if someone has a grand parent who may be a primary attachment figure they may have more memories of interactions with the grandparent- I believe it could also simply be a lack of interaction or lack of experiences to recall!
If you have an interest in attachment, I would encourage you to take counseling 503 residentially and select this as a research topic- you may enjoy researching it and you may possibly be a candidate for the research team!
Blessings,
Dr. K