Interview Blog: Intimacy vs. Isolation in Early Adulthood

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Interview Blog: Intimacy vs. Isolation in Early Adulthood

Jenny is a very good friend of mine. She is 30 years old and is currently in the Early Adulthood stage of life. Erikson states that during this period, the focus is on developing close, intimate relationship with others. And those who experience difficulties during this stage are often lonely, isolated, and fearful of relationships with others (Feldman, 2014). This is very true in the life of Jenny. In this stage individuals can develop a really close, faithful, and loyal relationship. People tend to be unselfish and care about others more than their own selves. On the other hand, those who experience complications in this stage will encounter themselves really lonely, isolated, and afraid of getting involved in relationships.

Jenny is the oldest of three siblings. In her family, she was the first one to finish college and earn a bachelor’s degree in Nursing. Now she is working as a Pediatric Nurse in one of the hospitals in Manila, the capital of Philippines. She finds her career the most rewarding at this stage of her life.  Her two other younger siblings have already settled down and had a family of their own.  She works to support the studies of some of her nephews and nieces and the needs of her parents who are both in the retirement age. She finds joy and fulfillment whenever she gets her salary and sends it to her family back home.   Jenny and her siblings are more than 8 years apart. She grew up as the only child for the first few years of her life. When her brothers were born, she felt like she was their mother because she took care of them until she moved out of the house for college when she was 20 years old. The separation from them did not affect her much because she learned from her mother in a young age to be really independent. In the stage of Late Adolescence, self-autonomy is so important, and in the case of Jenny it was reinforce by her mother at an early age in her life. This reinforcement has allowed her to view independence from a different perspective than many individuals. Jenny might have also developed her independency from the experience of raising her brothers as if they were her children instead of her brothers. Her experience has forced her to mature at a young age.

When I asked Jenny what she found the most challenging, she was a bit hesitant answering this question. She mentioned that she has been successful in her career but finds it difficult maintaining a relationship with the opposite sex. She blames her ex-boyfriend, the only boyfriend that she has, for this problem. They were together for over 5 years and she cared for him so much. Her ex-boyfriend physically abused and accused her of cheating in different occasions and as a result, this makes it difficult for her to associate with men on a level of intimacy and to build trust with them. She finds this experience very traumatic. Bernstein, in his article, he states that “traumatic events generally violate the autonomy of the person at the level of basic bodily integrity - the body is invaded, injured, defiled’’(Bernstein, 2011, p. 395-416).

Reflecting on previous stages of her life, she finds peace in the word of God and attending a local church and a bible study group. She feels safe and very happy whenever she’s around her brothers and sisters in Christ. However, Jenny is stressed having to work 6 days in a week and sometimes depressed. She said that after the break up between her and her ex-boyfriend, and being away from her family, it has been a big challenge for her. Dr. Lupien mentioned in his book that stress involves one of the following experiences: exposure to novelty, unpredictability, threats to the ego, or a sense of lost. These factors strongly contribute to the development of aversive responses to environmental stimuli. He added that providing young adults with strategies to control their environment and cope with adversity will prevent life stress- and aging-related cognitive decline (Koenig, Walker, Romeo, & Lupien, 2011).

Aside from her joy going to church regularly as her coping mechanism, she also loves cooking, so she cooks whenever she feels down and invites her church friends over. Feldman in his book mentions that in the stage of early adulthood, coping through social support and turning to others whenever they are stress can provide an emotional support in the form of a “shoulder to cry on” (Feldman, 2014). Jenny has also found social media such as Skype and Facebook very useful in connecting with her family and friends. She is hoping that one day she’ll be able to overcome her fear to commit to a new relationship as she has dreams too of building a family of her own.

 

References 

Bernstein, J. M. (2011). Trust: On the real but almost always unnoticed, ever-changing foundation of ethical life. Metaphilosophy, 42(4), 395-416. doi:10.1111/j.14679973.2011.01709.x

Feldman, R. S. (2014). Development across the life span (7th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

Koenig, J. I., Walker, C., Romeo, R. D., & Lupien, S. J. (2011). Effects of stress across the lifespan. Stress: The International Journal On The Biology Of Stress, 14(5), 475-480. doi:10.3109/10253890.2011.604879